Advice is best given and received when it has been asked for. Unwanted advice often times tends to irritate the recipient. Even if someone is telling you all about a problem they are having, more times than not, they don't actually want any advice from you. Most times they only want a chance to express it all to someone. To get it off their chests and out of their heads, and to receive in return only some consolation, some commiseration. If at one of these times you feel overly obliged to offer advice, try to bite your tongue, to hold it back, hold it in. There are really only two times to offer advice unsolicited: one is to keep someone from doing something that would cause immeasurable harm. The other is if you truly could not live with yourself afterwards for not offering the advice. These are my views on the subject as a giver and as a receiver of advice. What about you? Do you always give it? Always welcome it? Ignore it?
I don't give advice often and usually ignore it when given to me.
ReplyDeleteWise words indeed. Now, if I can always remember them.
ReplyDeleteWe are dealing with a situation where we are giving advice, which we consider sound, but it is basically being ignored. We recently came to the conclusion we are done with it and help we offered previously we will probably rescind down the road. In my personal experience, I do listen to advice and consider it when makibg decisions.
ReplyDeleteBetty
I don't think I'm great at giving advice as I worry about coming out with pat sayings. I'd like to think I'm good at receiving it but that probably isn't true either!
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing worse than someone giving you advice when they don't truly know or understand the situation you're in. I'd definitely welcome any friend who gave me an honest answer when I asked 'what do you think?' but if I wasn't looking for it, I'd maybe not receive it well.
ReplyDeleteCait @ Click's Clan
My wife trained me early. She isn't looking for a solution. Keep my mouth shut and just listen.
ReplyDeleteI try not to give advice, usually falls on deaf ears anyway.
ReplyDeleteReceiving advice: My folks are gone now - they always tried but, their advice just fell on my deaf ears.
My theme is all about baby boomers and those years we grew up. Grab some cookies and milks and come on over. Atomic Bombs
Hi Barbara, great to see you! I do my best not to offer advice unless begged and then with many disclaimers. And I rarely want to hear any from someone else UNLESS I've asked for it (most likely in more ways than one). :)
ReplyDeleteIt all depends on what the situation is but a lot of times I like the input of others. As for giving advice, I really don't like to because I don't want to be responsible for something going badly because someone listened to me.
ReplyDeleteYes, I've learned that with my kids. I can find out more about what is going on with them if I truly listen instead of offering advice right out of the gate. Fortunately a few times I've been able to say "I told you so," and a few times I've heard them say "I wish I'd listened to you, mom."
ReplyDeleteSo true! I've found it best to just zip it when I'm about to tell someone what they should or might do. That includes my kids. Good luck on the A to Z!
ReplyDeleteI'm in complete agreement with you and absolutely hate it when somebody tries to give me unsolicited advice. I only give it when asked. Telling your problems to men is a bad idea - they always want to fix things. ☺
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting me earlier. Have a good Sunday.
It is definitely hard to bite my tongue sometimes when I think I could help but I forget they just might want to achieve it on their own. I remember two distinct times that I received unsolicited advice and it aggravated me. When a person without children of their own or experience raising children tried to give me advice about my child and the other time was when we were having our home built, a person who never owned a home or worked in the construction industry constantly told us that we need to do this and we needed to do that. We didn't let them know it aggravated because they were family :) Great start to the A to Z
ReplyDeleteExactly. Well said.
ReplyDeleteGreat post.
Heather
Co-Host, 2017 Blogging from A to Z April Challenge
https://hmgardner.blogspot.com/
Sometimes I'm the horse looking at the water, sometimes I'm leading the horse to the water. The water doesn't miraculously jump into the horse's mouth.
ReplyDeleteI've learned a lot from advice I didn't really want . . .but usually I learned the hard way. I've become more open to advice as I've gotten a few years under my belt, and I give a lot of less of it, unless I'm asked.
ReplyDelete@mirymom1 from
Balancing Act
I totally agree with you, Barbara. Most of the time giving unsolicited advice is equivalent to 'casting pearls before swine.' People tend to learn more emphatic lessons the hard way. Sad but true.
ReplyDeleteSome people give good advice and others get awful advice. Its really a roll of the dice and a good dose of common sense. Be pleasant friendly and smile because you never know, sometimes thats all some poor soul ever wants.
ReplyDeleteI'm terrible at advice, so I rarely give it. And I know I resent it when I don't want it. But there are some who just have to meddle...
ReplyDeleteYeah, sometimes I just want to express stuff.
ReplyDeleteInstead, people just want to tell me what to do and it's hard not to get huffy and go "yeah I know, I already know what I'm supposed to do."
Defeats the purpose of wanting to tell them in the first place.
Anna
I missed everyone's A post on Saturday. Now I'm trying to read two posts today for each blog I follow that's participating in the A-Z!
ReplyDeleteI rarely give unasked-for advice, and hate receiving it!
Most of the time I don't mind getting advice. And I am quick to give it too. Doesn't offend me though if someone doesn't want to listen to my advice. Happy to see you posting. I'm skipping the challenge this year!
ReplyDeletemixture. I admit I'll chime in if I hear someone say something so blatantly wrong, it cannot be left on the table. Or in a store, if someone is holding up something great - I'll get them the nod
ReplyDeleteOr in a bookstore...I will definitely offer suggestions.
Hey - must share the brilliance - ha!!!
Depends on how it is given. Some advice is helpful and welcomed.
ReplyDeleteYou are right on track with this subject! Advice should be given only when asked for, or if you have inquired if advice is wanted, other than in the two instances you noted. And don't be hurt if you offer advice and it isn't taken. Be a listener, it's often more valuable, we all have to find our own answers most of the time. I can be a little sensitive about unsought advice, I shouldn't take it personally but sometimes it still makes me feel defensive. As a mother, it's hard not to offer unsolicited advice, but it comes across much better if you ask if they'd like some rather than force feed it! :-)
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