I can't say that I have ever spent much time worrying about people who didn't seem to like me. Yes, when I was a child, I was more sensitive to that. There have also been a few times along the way that I've been surprised by realizing someone did not like me. I liked someone fine and thought they liked me, as well, only to discover in some abrupt or unexpected way that I was wrong. I'm not saying it doesn't sting. Sure it stings! I think all rejection stings at least a little.
I'm just saying that I don't spend loads of time resenting them not liking me, or feeling sorry for me that they don't like me or even wondering why they don't like me.
Still, if I do have a hunch or know for sure the "why", I'm not an idiot. I think about it a little, if only to determine if it means I have been insufficient in some way as a friend. Occasionally, you can see something in yourself you'd like to change, if for no other reason so as to be a better person, maybe a better friend the next time. Certainly, if no one seems to like a person at all, then it is quite likely that person needs to make some major changes in their attitudes and actions.
Many times, more often I think, it is about nothing one can really change. Or more specifically, about something I wouldn't even want to change. What I mean is, we all have distinct personalities, likes and dislikes. Sometimes you meet someone and things just "click" with them. You find you share so much of the same interests and viewpoints. You find their humor delightful, they find you to be a good listener. Things like that. Sometimes, that chemistry just doesn't exist between two people, even try as they might. Then there are those who are snobbish or have some preconceived idea of who and what all their friends should be. These people aren't worth the time it takes to forget them. And there are the ones who dream up ideas and reasons to be jealous or resentful of you. They are trapped in a cycle of never really knowing or appreciating anyone.
The people we love, many times can be some of the folks we like the most. Some may not be. But an investment into any relationship where love abounds is a good, solid investment. Love forgives a multitude of sins. Love joins us in our sorrows, and rejoices with us in our wins.
Do you find yourself worrying yourself sick when someone doesn't like you? Have you ever seen someone had a good reason for not liking you?
Barbara
I don't have a large circle. I don't have patience for people who don't want to like me.
ReplyDeleteAs with you, being disliked bothered me a lot more when I was younger. Occasionally in recent years, someone has stopped being in touch with me, and I try not to dwell on it, although it does bother me when I don't know why.
ReplyDeleteNot much anymore. I know we just don't click and that's all right. Like you said, focus on those who do like us.
ReplyDeleteGreat, thoughtful post, Barbara! The older I get the less I care about people that don't like me. I try to be kind and polite to everyone, but there are always one or two folks in life that just seem to like keeping things stirred up a bit. I no longer waste my time and energy on that. I guess you could say that I've learned to set boundaries. But yes, I've also learned somethings about myself that needed a little improving too, I tend to keep to myself and sometimes friends grow weary of waiting for me to "come out and play". I'm trying to work a little harder on keeping up my end of communications. :-) We always have room for improvement, but if we love someone we'll keep working at it. :-)
ReplyDeleteI know I'm a good person so sometime I do wonder why they don't like me. I try not to let it consume me though. Good post.
ReplyDeleteThis comes at a timely moment for me because I just noticed two friends--actual friends and former colleagues--had unfriended me on FB. It worries me. Did I do something to offend? I can't imagine what.
ReplyDeleteOf course I'd love for everyone to adore me, but I know life isn't like that. Still, if a friend dumps me, I go crazy when I have no idea why.
I do spend a 'bit' of time worrying about those who don't like me. But I can let go of it just as quickly. I like these "I saw it on Facebook" posts!
ReplyDeleteBarbara,
ReplyDeleteMy intimate circle of friends is so small you can count on one hand, so there's little to no drama. I don't think FB is the place for it anyhow and it floors me to see how that goes on and people act like it's purrfectly normal. I don't have room in my life to worry with someone not liking me. It's their right to do so. I won't lose sleep over it especially if it's someone not in my close circle. Of course, like you when I was younger this would've torn me up. I do want people to like me because let's face it, what's not to like? lol Seriously, people did to take a chill pill and realize we all can't be the same but to find common ground to remain friends or good acquaintances. Life is just too short to worry who likes who and what I can do to fix it. :)
<a href="http://curiousasacathy.com</a>Curious as a Cathy
Every time I lose a friend I wonder if something is wrong with me. And I worry about all of my other remaining friends – will they stay? Do they see something wrong with me too?
ReplyDeleteAs to FB, specifically, I hate it. I'm really only on there for blog promoting. I don't get along with any of my family and friends on there. And I'd rather just not see their updates at all.
It may be all well and good to just turn the other cheek, but I can say it's really hard to do that when you know someone is being rude because they don't like you … or when they are doing something that you know is wrong and will hurt many yet they don't care. That can be really frustrating. Of course, sometimes that's when these people need to be shown love the most.
*sigh* Relationships are complicated. :)
With Love,
Mandy