I was shocked when I realized I hadn't made an I Saw it on Facebook post since the middle of July! That's just crazy. So, tonight, I'm going to rectify that. While most of my "saves" from Facebook are on the funny, lighthearted or sarcastic side, this one is more on the serious side and involves a truth that can free you if you learn to apply it.
As much as human nature leads us to try to change others, the plain truth is that the only person you can change is yourself. The converse side to this is that no one can control you, unless you allow it.
It takes a combination of introspection to determine what is important to you, what things matter in the long run, and how much weight and value you are going to give to each. And it takes evaluation of the scenarios that upset you, or yield an outcome that unsettles you.
Questions to consider include: What could make him always act that way toward me? How do I usually respond to it? How much does this matter to me? What other ways could I respond? You have to think it through. You have to come up with an idea of what you might try differently. If you don't, you'll just do what comes easily to you, which is what you always do and you'll have the same outcome.
The next time you are placed in that situation or those words are spoken to you, try your new response. Afterward, things to consider are, how did your response change their next behavior or words? Was this outcome more agreeable to you? If not, what could you do differently the next time? Can you do anything to change how it makes you feel even if the outcome doesn't change much?
There are people in our lives we can't avoid, that upset us or hurt us. All we can do is try to divest them of some of the power to do so. Then there are others in our lives that we can choose to avoid or expunge from our lives. Who's important enough to you to do the work? Remember, also, that forgiveness frees you from the burden of the pain and anger. Forgiveness does more for the one forgiving than it does the one forgiven.
Whether a dear friend, a family member, a boss, a clerk or a stranger; remember and be aware that most of the time however much they hurt, disappoint, annoy or make you angry the larger part is the response you choose, the lesser is what they did, said or didn't do.
No matter how high the pile of shit, it's your perspective that makes it a mountain or a molehill.
Disclaimer: While I can practice this far better than I could in my younger years, I am still on the journey.
So true! And often changing the way we see and react to things can make all the difference in the world.
ReplyDeleteAmen!
DeleteVery true.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Mike!
DeleteVery true. It can be hard to put into practice, but that said, we're better off trying to react better to things than not. :-)
ReplyDeleteNothing ventured, nothing gained.
DeleteI needed this advice right now. As John and I get older we are having more and more health problems and he is a controlling type. I did refuse to take something back to Walmart that he bought and I could tell it surprised him. He is going to have to learn I don't always feel like jumping to his tune.
ReplyDeleteI hear you, Paula. I think sometimes men's men like John and Pete can't empathize very well with others. But they can sure expect others to empathize with them! LOL
DeleteYes, so true. And if you don't like the way you're being treated, you have the option of removing that person from your life. (Well, in some cases all you can do is distance yourself if it's family we're talking about.)
ReplyDeleteThen, there are some people that are wonderful to be around...in small doses!
DeleteHello Barbara.
ReplyDeleteNice encouraging post, not always achievable but good advice for when one can. Isn't it amazing how it's always people that really screw up our days, never morning, the environment, that bird flying so high up or God? It's always people. Oh well, what do we expect?
Love and blessings from South Africa, Geoff.
I've had some animals cause me some great problems! A 500 lb hog out on the side of the highway I had to lead home by rattling corn in a bucket before I could go to work. Way back, our Doberman got mad she was left home and had a field day with my rack full of potted plants. We came home to a dining room floor covered in an inch of potting soil! I've stopped at the store to get gas only to hear, MEOW, when I walked past my hood. Two kittens were hitching a ride under there! Had to dig them out and take them home.
DeleteLovely post, Barbara! A timely reminder for me just now as I have once again hosted a large gathering where a certain extended family member drives me to distraction with her rudeness! Since it is directed at me I do take it personally and want to lash out but I don't. "I'm better than that" I tell myself, and proceed to spend days trying to convince myself it's true..."Never again," I say, again. :-)
ReplyDeleteI loved your reply above, about a delightfully animal-filled day!
Yes, Diedre, although those episodes were different days in different years, it gave me an idea for a possible series or theme here at Caneyhead. As to your rude person, I've always admired the folks who know how to think fast on their feet and turn the rudeness around without actually being rude. Sort of politely putting them in their place.
DeleteSo true and brilliant advice. I've been working on it for years and I can go months without reacting to something in a negative way. But some people know how to push my buttons and then i fail to follow my own advice . This is something I've been teaching my kids since they began middle school . Thanks
ReplyDeleteFor the reminder .
I think we all need reminders of this from time to time. A little shot in the arm.
DeleteVery true! But it is so hard to not react negatively to the negativity. I will be working on that for the rest of my life. I am sure! Have a great week!
ReplyDeleteOH, great command of the English language there, Paula! I think human nature makes this one of the hardest struggles for all of us. And Satan is there to encourage us at every turn to react tit for tat. God bless you in your week!
DeleteThis is pure wisdom, Barbara. It's hard to let things roll off your shoulders but it is the only way to be. Hope you had a good weekend!
ReplyDeleteIf I have any wisdom, it is from my Heavenly Father. My weekend was wonderful! Here's to a great week for us both!
DeleteThere is so much truth in this. I wish more people could take this to heart. Like you I'm learned to deal with this better now than when I was younger. Live long and hopefully learn a little at least.
ReplyDeleteArlee Bird
A to Z Challenge Co-host
Tossing It Out
That's one advantage of growing older; perspective. The other is that it beats the alternative. ;)
DeleteOh, B. This is so on the money for me!! I'm going to bookmark it and anytime I have doubts, I am going to read it again. You ROCK!!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you found it helpful. I adore that I ROCK! :)
DeleteI was raised in a dysfunctional and abusive family, and this realization DID change my life and free me! Once I realized that it was true, I tried shifting my behavior. After a couple of years, it became obvious that the only way to prevent the dysfunctional behaviors was to separate myself from my parents, and, to a lesser degree, two of my three siblings.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I hold no animosity (so true what you said about forgiveness!), and wish that the situation could be different, I won't trade the peace I've found - within myself, and for my own family. Forgiveness doesn't mean we have to open ourselves to further abuses by those who've demonstrated that they feel wholly entitled to commit them.
I would love to reblog this post, if you are willing...
God bless you! You had a hard row to hoe early in life. I applaud your courage, strength and mercy! You are totally right about forgiveness not meaning you have to leave yourself open to more mistreatment. I pray that others in your family might learn some of the lessons you did. That they can heal and become stronger, whole persons. And that there might be a day you can sit in peace and enjoy their company.
DeleteYou are welcome to reblog the post. I do appreciate your asking first.
Barbara
I Saw It On Facebook: In response to that it is an easy one. One of my favorite sayings is "I don't care what you think of me, it is none of my business anyway". Works as a great reaction.
ReplyDeleteI can see how that would work well in many situations!
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