Redneck Computer Glossary

So today has gotten of to a good start. I feel in control of my house. Bubba and Bug are doing well.....guess you can say it is a good day in the neighborhood. Not long ago, I shared with you a common practice in these parts about having to give a geneology for every person brought up in conversation. Today, let me clue you in on the proper edicate for visitin'.

In general, there is no invitation needed to visit, just the urge to stop by. If the company arrives at or near mealtime you should always ask them to join you, even if you don't have enough. Unless they know you real well, they will decline this invitation. If you are visiting a man, (especially if you are a man) you will likely spend the whole time outside. If you are lucky, there will be lawn chairs and a fire, maybe some country classics to listen to on the radio of one of the trucks. Other times, especially if you have caught the man just arriving home, you will spend the entire visit standing around the bed of a pick-up truck. This keep the drinks (cooler) and the trash (bed of the truck) both real handy.

Now if you are a woman going to visit a girlfriend, you will most likely end up perched on a stool near the kitchen, or a chair at the table, while she goes on with her cooking and dishwashing. You may even be handed potatoes to peel, or some such thing. Occasionally you may get to sit on her couch while she folds laundry. And if you catch her at a rare free moment the two of you may enjoy sitting on the front porch together over a cup of coffee.

Special rules apply....though unspoken....to situations where say a man is attempting to visit another man and only the wife is home. The visitor will never walk inside unless he is very close kin. The wife will meet him at the door or out in the lawn. He will either leave a message with her for the hubby, or if she knows hubby is due home soon, he might just sit a spell on the tailgate of his truck and wait for him. Or he may wonder around outside and look at the livestock or the gardenwhile he waits. Yep, you'd be hard put to get any man worth his salt to enter a home with the man of the house absent.

And if you didn't find this humorous enough, check out the Redneck Computer Glossary from ArcaMax:

"Hard drive" - Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.

"Keyboard" - Place to hang your truck keys.

"Window" - Place in the truck to hang your guns.

"Modem" - How you got rid of your dandelions.

"ROM" - Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.

"Byte" - First word in a kiss-off phrase.

"Reboot" - What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff.

"Network" - Activity meant to provide bait for your trout line.

"Mouse" - Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case.

"LAN" - To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck."

"Cursor" - What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend.

"bit" - A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch long ways."

"digital control" - What yore fingers do on the TV remote.

"packet" - What you do to a suitcase or Wal-Mart bag before a trip.

Linda lives at the base of the mountains in Upstate New York. Hard for me to understand how she can be somewhere in New York, when for all the world to me, her journal seems to say she is a redneck! (lol) She has two lovely children and knows (has met) David Hyde Pierce! If you haven't been at the base of the mountains yet, go by today, and tell her Barbara sent you!

In the Word again, we'll finish up with Proverbs today. In 29:11 we are told, "A rebel shouts in anger; a wise man holds his temper in and cools it." When you feel anger starting to well up inside, the best thing you can do is to say as little as possible, get away from the person or situation if at all possible and pray! Bathe it in prayer. Then you are ready to handle it.....though you may find there is nothing left to handle!

Proverbs 30:11-13 gives us, "There are those who curse their father and mother, and feel themselves faultless despite their many sins. They are proud beyond description, arogant, disdainful." If we start looking at the sin in others, we may begin to feel sinless......look at Jesus instead! Now how are you feeling? Still cocky? Or humbled. Likewise if we give in to every temptation to speak our minds bluntly, the repetition can numb our sensitivities. That is why we need the Holy Spirit to help us see our sin in it's true light. What we do once may be a mistake....what we mistakenly repeat will become a be-setting sin. Ruining our fellowship with the Lord and stealing our joy!

Lastly, Proverbs 30:33 could be a quote from Dr. Phil. (lol) "As the churning of cream yields butter.....so anger causes quarrels." I had an aunt that had a cow and actually churned her own butter from her own cream. It doesn't happen in an instant. You have to work at it a while. Likewise, sometimes we mull something over and over until we work ourselves into a tizzy. Then we are spoiling for a fight. If you don't want butter, best leave your hand off the churn! Don't want a fight.....let it go.

Spread them around!