Sunday, January 8, 2006

The Bliss of Marriage

Okay, I owe you all a serious, reflective piece.  But you're not getting it tonight.  Tonight I feel silly.  Tonight I want a good laugh and a little fun.  Those who have been with me from the beginning know that I ran a Devotional Series on Marriage not long after I started my journal.  Tonight, well......we look at some of the blissful moments of matrimony.  Enjoy!

            (Please, tell me you remember watching Red Skelton on TV!!  I don't want to be old alone.)

  Red Skelton's tips for a Happy Marriage:

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, then comes good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. Then she said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me "In the Lake."

8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember. Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"

  The 10 Commandments of Marriage  

Commandment 1.

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

Commandment 2.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Commandment 3.

Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!

Commandment 4.

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Commandment 5.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.

Commandment 6.

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

Commandment 7.

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish talking.

Commandment 8.

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Commandment 9.

Every woman wants a man who is handsome, understanding, economical and a considerate lover, but again, the law allows only one husband.

Commandment 10.

Man is incomplete until he marries. After that, he is finished.

                  A Woman's Prayer                                                Dear Lord,

                              I pray for:  

                             Wisdom, To understand a man.

                             Love, To forgive him and;

                             Patience, For his moods.

                             Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength

                              I'll just beat him to death.


      *Public notice:  No husbands were harmed during the posting of this entry. 


  1. What a delightful entry. I loved Red Skelton, so does my husband, Johnny. Our son, asked my husband and I on our 32nd Anniversary, which was on Dec. 31, 05," What is the secret to staying married so long and being so happy?"
    Johnny said, " Don't sweat the small stuff. " I said, "Never lose your sense of humor."
    I enjoy your journal so much. Thank you for all the hard work you put into it.

  2. I appologize for the scrambled appearence of this entry.  I can't get anything to come up in I can't fix it!!     -  Barbara

  3. I really enjoyed this. *Louise*

  4. How cute! I love it! God bless, Beckie

  5. Red Skelton and Carol Burnett were two of my favorites. Just don't have those good shows anymore. Thanks for the memories, Paula

  6. Those were great!  I especially like the part about how before he's married, he'll stay awake thinking about what you said, then after- he'll fall asleep before you're finished!  Ain't that the truth!  Those were funny.  Thanks for another good laugh!  Love Carolyn  ps- I remember Red, but I was too little to understand his humor at the time.  Kind of like carson..  I laugh at them now!



  8. I remember the Red Skelton show.  I was little, but I can remember the whole family sitting around watching it and my Mom and Dad just cracking up!  Loved this entry!

  9. I remember reading these one! Funny guy!


    Who I am… underneath it all:
    My Spiritual Journal:

  10. Thank you!! LOL... just before i go to bed, these are going to make falling asleep so much funnier. Bea

  11. I remember Red Skelton very well. I always liked his shows and the funny part was when he got tickled and laughted at his own jokes. Thanks for sharing. Those were funny. Helen

  12. l have heard of red skelton but didn't watch him....  Pretty funny stuff there, Linda

  13. I remember Red Skelton. He's my all time favorite comedian.

  14. Oh, I loved Red Skelton.  He was my all time favorite.  It was great reading his take on marriage.  LOL  Thanks, Pennie

  15. hello sweetie thank you for sharing these funnys i know who red skeleton was but have not seen him sorry havea good day GOd bless kelley

  16. Very cute Barbara!


  17. Delightful entry.  Of course I remember Red Skelton!  Soooo funny!  Carol Burnett too!  I miss all those guys.  One channel on TV is supposed to have the funniest shows on TV on Thursday evenings this season!  They are so awful (stupid) that I can't even watch them.  Have I gotten crotchety or has the "humour" changed that much!   I'll take the reality shows over the new humour, and Ghost Whisperer.  

    Oh, Marriage--I like!  :)  


  18. I love Red!
    I love the prayer at the end! LOL

  19. Thanks for the laugh

  20. How well I remember Red Skelton, in fact I may have an old video of him that I recently picked up in a thrift store just for some laughs.  He and Lucy Ball could really crack you up, then there was Rozann and The Golden Girls, loved the Golden Girls, the things that got there self into.  Thanks for the laugh, it really fit the bill.  LOL


  21. Love this entry, awesome!!!!!!


  22. You are so funny! It's affectionately funny, that's why I like it. I love my husband, but darn don't we get on each other's nerves sometimes!  There's no meanness in this entry, just lots of tender affection. Thanks for sharing. Bea


So glad you stopped by! Come 'round any time. ~ Barbara

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