Suppose I jumped into the A-Z Challenge without much thought or reflection. I had seen where my friend Betty had posted about planing to participate in it. The idea stuck in my head. I was just getting back to blogging, wanting to settle back down to posting on a regular basis. Finally the thought formed that it'd be a great way to get myself back into the "habit" of turning to my blog to express myself again. And it really didn't seem so awfully hard.
I tried to direct my entries toward people and places from my life. A couple of entries strayed a little, but overall I stuck to the theme. Some decent writing. Not necessarily the most read, the most commented on, or even my personal favorites. But overall, I'm happy with the result. Posts are a little like children. Can be hard to say you love one more than another. But I think the two that are closest to my heart are the two that have lifelong themes embedded into them: B is for Dam B and R is for Radio. It reminds me of the continuity of the past and the present. That though things and people or gone or changed, they are not forgotten. Reassuring for a woman who had lost her mama, her daddy, every grandparent and one of two sisters by the time she was twenty-three.
Perhaps that is why this experience became cathartic for me. Yesterday afternoon as I was washing dishes, and after I had chided Bug for taking her daddy for granted, I began to cry. Cry for the teenager that lost her biggest fan and champion. Cry for the college student that couldn't believe the nymph in her live was gone. Cry for the young woman who eloped because a wedding without mama and daddy would have made a joyous day a sad occasion. I grieved for the first time in a very long time not for them - they are together in Heaven with our Lord & Savior - but for me. For me who hasn't gotten to hear their voice, feel their touch, enjoy their company for almost thirty years.
I didn't know this post was going here. I seldom know which direction a post will take. I formulate an idea, and then I let my heart and fingers take over. Try to stay out of their way with things like grammar and storylines and crap that English teachers shove down your throats but yield terse, confined results. No offense to teachers. One must first learn conformity to understand how not to conform.
Yes, I do not regret in one bit taking part in this challenge. And I would gladly participate again. I would recommend it.
Barbara
Thanks for the shout out, Barbara. I think this challenge then was a bit cathartic to write about those you love or events that impacted you through your life. I can see your tears; releasing emotions and remembering. It was a good challenge indeed! Not sure I'm going to do it next year, we'll see. And "heck" this year you wrote in the middle of expecting a new grand daughter! That took discipline to finish the challenge!
ReplyDeletebetty
Hello Barbara.
ReplyDeleteBlog posts are like children, never thought of it in that way, I suppose they are, A bit quieter and probably cheaper in the long run but definitely born of you.
My father died when I was only 22 but, through his untimely demise, I have two children. My ex was nursing him when he died. Tears are good, they are like the Holy Spirit in a way, they quench the fire within and relieve the pain.
I too have found that the A to Z April challenge has rekindled my writing urge and that is good, thanks Lee, it was great participating.
Keep on keeping on. Blessings, Geoff.
Thanks for sharing this heartfelt post. The best thing about this Challenge for me was having 'met' some very interesting people, many of whom are believers, which is so great!
ReplyDeleteThanks for this post Barbara. It was uplifting for me because I can relate to losing those you love early... and then more as I've gotten older. It's amazing how we are able to cope... A gift from God if ever there was one...
ReplyDeleteMik
Your writing is beautiful and I felt your emotions as you cried. I have similar losses, two of my three children have left me already. I love the way your blogging worked to release your emotion. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteHello, I'm just wandering about the blogging world looking for things to read and came across this post. Congratulations on finishing the A-Z Challenge :-)... I got half way through and then lost the Internet for a few days due to a big storm - when I was finally back online I had lost motivation.
ReplyDeleteIt was so touching to hear about your feelings for your parents.