Sunday, June 25, 2006

Humor is Good for the Soul

Noah and His Ark Today
If Noah had lived in the United States today the story may have gone something like this:

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."

Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah!" He shouted. "Where is the Ark?"

"Lord, please forgive me," cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems.

First, I had to get a permit for construction, and your plans did not meet the building codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a sprinkler system and approved floatation devices. Then, my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.

Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I really needed the wood to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me take the 2 owls.

The carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw orhammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls.

When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal rights group sued me. They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard. This suit is pending.

Meanwhile, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe.

Then, the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map of the proposed flood plain. I sent them a globe.

Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking atheists aboard.

The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational water craft'.

And finally, the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it's a religious event, and, therefore unconstitutional. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another five or six years."

Noah waited. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky.

Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"

"No," He said sadly. "I don't have to. The government already has."

I'm finally moving on to the 6th Devotion on Marriage.  Looks like I'm gonna have to homestead here a while. 



  1. LOL Exactly.


  2. This I have to share : )
    Went to church today, Told you I would : )
    ~ Jenny

  3. That is a classic - heard it many years ago on radio

  4. Enjoy this everytime I hear it! LOL  TY for posting!
    Blessings, Sugar

  5. Hello again,
    Here in New England it like we should get ready to build an ark... So darn much rain- weeks now... Good day, Cheryl~ I feel soggy,lololololo  

  6. butterflies4me04June 26, 2006 at 6:50 AM

    LOL! That was good! Thanks for sharing!


  7. That was great! I loved it, lol.  I have to send that one to my dad.  He'll get a kick out of it.  Kathryn

  8. hello friend so true this funny is it is sad huh thanks for sharing this have a great day God bless kelley

  9. What a great entry. Will be sharing this one. Thanks, hon.

  10. Sad but true....

    Kara :)

  11. Yes!  LOL  so true!


  12. sounds about right LOLOL....Hugs...Ora

  13. My husband walked in as I pulled this up and so I read it outloud to him as I read.  He chuckled here and there and we enjoyed this look at the obstacles that Noah might encounter in this day and age.  This is so true and aren't we glad that the flood came back when Noah had more freedom to follow God's commands.  I'll also be sharing this with others honey.

    Blessing to you and keep them coming sweetie, you are doing God's work admirably.

    Marlene-A Poet Point Of View

  14. Nat turned me on to this entry, it's truer than true but the humor makes it easy reading.  Thanks!  Cathy

  15. oh i love that ark!


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