Monday, April 15, 2013

MawMaw

When I found out Baby Ruth was on her way to this world, I was honestly excited.  But I couldn't wrap my mind around being any one's granny. I had just reckoned with entering a new decade.  Still hadn't made it all the way through menopause.  Had just remembered who I was, who I had been before children.  Before being some one's mama or some one's wife.  A part of me was petrified.  Afraid I'd loose my identity all over again.  Afraid I'd be labeled old and insignificant and put out to pasture. 
 
All the while we waited for you, Baby Ruth, I insisted you'd have to call me something cute and hip like My Barbie Doll.  Nothing anyone linked to being "granny".  I'd be there for you, but I'd still be me.  Still wouldn't be old. 
 
Then on April 10th, 2012 you were on your way into this world.  I entered the birthing room with your parents, your mother's mother and her mother and your mom's twin.   I saw your mom near exhaustion.  I saw the doctor's eyes above the mask as he watched the monitor.  I looked at the monitor and I felt the tension in the room.  I saw your daddy grasp mommy's hand and lean down.  Whisper in her ear and their eyes locked.  With one more gigantic push that she managed from somewhere deep inside, you slid into the world.  There was much relief all around.  Then I noticed the the doctor silently, intently rubbing little circles on your chest.  Concentration in his eyes.  As if encouraging you like one would a race horse on a track, "Come on, come on!!  You can do it."  Finally!  The heartbeat and breath he was searching for.  The cord was cut and you were on your own.
 
And nothing mattered anymore.  Who I was, or what anyone thought.  Call me anything.  Just call me.  Just be here.  Stay here.  Grow here and let me be a part.
 
 

8 comments:

  1. Awesome and Ditto!!! I have Been There and Done That FOUR times. Mine call me the Letter N word...NANA. Wonderful post...well done!!!

    My Letter 'M'...Modern Marvels
    Sue CollectInTexasGal
    AtoZ LoneStar Quilting Bee

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's just so unique. No one can imagine until they are one.

      Delete
  2. Sooooo much a reflection of my own heart, Barbara. Thanks for voicing these longings.
    Blessings!
    Pam at 2 Encourage

    ReplyDelete
  3. I stood in your shoes a very short time ago. My beloved Johnny wasn't there this time but I was there for the birth of Johnny and my son's second baby girl. I had so much discord in my life since Johnny's death in October, so much confusion that took me to places i didn't want to go. But watching Jasmine Rochelle enter our world changed everything; set everything in order again. You expressed it so beautifully, my friend, but then you always have had a wonderful way with words. Think of you a lot, always with great affection.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Barb it always delights me to find a comment from you!! I can't come to my blog and not think of you. I'm so thrilled to hear you have this joy in your life. What a beautiful name she was given! God is good.

      Delete
  4. This was a beautiful post. I can't say that I'm a grandmother yet, I'm still fairly new at being a mom, but I love the transition from 'I don't know if I'm ready' to 'this is all that matters.'

    Have fun with a-z. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you! It's amazing isn't it? Enjoy the motherhood. It's the hardest job you'll ever love.

    ReplyDelete

So glad you stopped by! Come 'round any time. ~ Barbara

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...