If love is a battlefield, dating has many casualties. I have a 17 year old son, Bubba. And I read a young woman's private journal and comment there. Things from both have been spinning around in my head for some time. For what it is worth, with Valentine's Day at hand, I'm going to share my thoughts on some of what I see and hear.
It seems that the teens in our local school district have adopted a policy that constricts their ability to get to know a variety of people and really explore what they like, enjoy and admire in another. If you ask someone out, you are "going together". One date and you are committed. Only way to go out with or do something with someone else is to "break up". I suppose this metamorphosis occurred to try to be safe in a world of rampant sexual diseases. I don't know. But it is sad.
These young people are setting themselves up to hurt and betray one another. They are missing out on one of the most thrilling parts of youth and being single. To them, wherever they live, I recommend you abandon this nonsense and try another approach.
Go to the movies with Diane on Monday. Take Sarah to the game on Friday. Spend Sunday afternoon at the park with Chuck. Boys, ask any girl who interests you in any way on a date. Girls, accept all invitations from acceptable young men. If one of these people really capture your interest and touch your heart after a dozen or so dates over time, then if you want to try some exclusivity, fine. It's good practice for later relationships.
And the next part arises out of what I see and hear these young girls doing. They repeatedly sell themselves short! I realize there is a lot of competition out there, but if you win a guy by lowering your standards or cheapening your own value....what have you gained? And if this is how you got the guy, how long do you really think you'll hold his interest?
Twenty-three years ago, I was in many ways where you are. I know that now it seems the things you want will never come. And I know it sounds crazy, but the best way to go is just to get on with living the life you have. Find things you enjoy. Do them. Be yourself. Pray for God to prepare the man He would put in your life. Don't go looking for him, but don't withdraw into a cocoon either. When we actively look for a mate, we actually start to try to make everyone we spend a little time with into the love of our life.
Many of the old ways are still the best ways!!! Man's character has not changed, only the times. A man needs to feel he has worked for you, won you. And that you were worth winning.
Don't call him in the beginning unless you have to, to be courteous and tell him plans have changed or something.
Don't invite him out unless it is something he cannot invite you to.....like a company party, etc.
Don't drive all over meeting him places or picking him up. Make him come and get you and don't go out to a honking horn! He should always come to your door.
Never, ever pay a guy or boyfriend's bills, pay for the date or buy him things for no occasion. It attracts freeloaders, gigolos and bums.
After you have been in a long-term steady relationship you can begin to do some of these things.....but don't be extravagant. Keep it simple. Extravagance can come after you're engaged.
We all crave connection and relationships of all various sorts. That's how God designed us. He gives us all family, and that fills the void to one point or another depending on the family we are given. And as we go along we find friends and acquaintances and that fills another little piece. But at some point in time, we crave, we need more! That is so that we will search for God and come to Him for THAT relationship. If we do, and we put our relationship with Him FIRST it will do much to heal, direct, and grow the relationships we already have with family and friends. It will bring new relationships with other Christians in our lives. All of this works to make us more whole and complete so that we can have that SPECIAL relationship with someone of the opposite sex. Now quite often we get all of this out of sync, out of order. And it causes us pains, heartaches and disappointments. But the wonderful thing is it is never too late to loosen the harness and put the horse in front of the cart, so to speak.