Just gonna have a little fun today. With the headlines the way they have been, I think we could all use a few good laughs. And here's some I got from ArcaMax. (See their link in side bar if you'd like to get them e-mailed to you.) I have done a little editing and graphic enhancement. Hope they don't mind.
I love you all, and I love e-mails.....but we all know that sometimes they go too far:
I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past two years.
Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern.......
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our troops.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who has been dying for the past seven years.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
Now to Return the Favor:
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will fly over your head at 5:00 PM and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin, and he's a lawyer. So you'd better get going on that e-mail!!!
Okay......now to pick on hubby. lol This next one really hits home around here.
I have changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie."
If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat little tags that say: "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food." My frustration is now reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it is there waiting.
I don't know about where you live, but here in Texas it is so HOT that...
The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.
Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.
The cows are giving evaporated milk.
The trees are whistling for the dogs.
You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
Hot water now comes out of both taps.
You can actually burn your hand on the steering wheel.
No one would dream of wearing shorts and sitting on a vinyl seat!
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
Now that your yard has burnt, you do not have to spend time mowing.
You have to chew the air properly before you can swallow it.
The next person to ask you "Hot 'nuff for ya?" WILL receive a black eye.
And just because it's a good one:
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"
God bless you with a lighter heart today!!